I thought of all the nights I’ve spent googling bizarre symptoms and was reminded of the dread that certain chronic illnesses bring: You’re never getting better. This lasted four years, shut in a home I couldn’t physically leave without distress.Įvery time Senua respawns after death, she glances at her arm nervously to see how far along the growth is. Before I even had a chance to make meaningful connections, I was switched to homeschooling because I was too ill to make it there in person. When I was 12, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome snuck up on me and snatched me away when I was starting a new chapter at a different school. Senua’s rot is sudden and disturbing, appearing out of nowhere on someone who seemed otherwise physically fit. She fights this notion by getting back up after each failure and trying again. It gives the sense that Senua’s own body is against her as this rot attempts to envelop her completely. How many times could I die without major repercussions? Would I really have to start over? The lack of communication on exactly how many tries I had was reminiscent of how chronic illness is a beast of unpredictability. It’s ugly, black, and the game warns that it’s destined to not only kill you but restart your progress completely if you fail too often. Hellblade helped me better realize how both my physical health and mental health intertwine, such as my inescapable anxiety about my wellbeing.Įarly on, Senua discovers a growing rot on her arm. This led me to draw parallels to my own struggles not just with mental health, but with chronic illness too.įor over a decade, I’ve battled three different chronic illnesses, and last year I went through one of the worst mental health breakdowns I’ve ever had. Despite it all, she does.Īs I played Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice for the first time, I connected to Senua, a young Celtic warrior battling psychosis, in ways I didn’t expect. Developer Ninja Theory put great effort into making Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice an authentic experience by providing a nuanced portrayal of mental health with the help of experts and thorough research. She was weak, she was tired, she was pathetic. “Go on, feel sorry for yourself, because there is no one left to do that for you,” the unwanted visitor in Senua’s head sneers. It was as though I was living inside a body that had already decayed, but still required upkeep like a corpse being prettied by an embalmer. I couldn’t wash my own hair, and I barely managed to climb up and down the staircase. I took one glance in the mirror and my stomach turned. “Worthless,” a voice in her head criticizes. Senua stares in the dusty mirror with her face contorting into a look of disgust. I didn't see myself I only saw the sickness. Spoiler Warning: This article contains major plot developments for Hellblade.Īt 14 years old, my reflection was my enemy.
0 kommentar(er)
